Alone or Lonely?

Ever been alone in a crowded room?  Ever been holding hands, yet miles away? 

Brothers Til Death by Christopher Johnson

The following is an excerpt from “Brothers Till Death” (by Christopher L. Johnson and available on ….

Lee had created a world in which he felt he needed no one.  He, certainly, had no desire to create a “need” relationship with anyone.  Creating such a relationship, when the type had only resulted in pain and destruction, made no sense.  “No one was an island unto himself”, but he was as close as anyone. 

It wasn’t physical or spatial isolation he used to create distance from others.  He could be worlds apart from someone, with whom he was holding hands or sitting in a meeting.  Mental, emotional and psychological distance provided a buffer zone devoid of feelings, connection or emotions.  Initially, people might generate positive emotions, satisfy a need or provide some mutual benefit to his life.  His experience had taught him, ultimately, they’d reveal their true selves – traitors, who turned on you and attacked you with the intimacies you had willingly provided in your attempts to connect on a deeper level.  When the time came, traitors sought to devour you, as they expressed their rationale and justification for doing so.  Every issue, every disagreement was about them, but they had promised they cared only about him. 

Lee had no use for and would never subject himself to such situations again.  It was one thing to have it done to you; it was another to voluntarily submit yourself to the destructive nature of others.   People were “takers”, not “givers”.  If he met someone he thought might be a “giver”, he began his interaction with the underlying belief, sooner or later, their true colors would expose them to be just like everyone else.  Each time it happened, the doubt that anyone could give more than take grew.  This presumption prevented experiencing real relationships or friendships.  Considering his past, it was an acceptable price for self-preservation.  Attaining a true friend or finding a real partner was nothing but a long shot.  Everyone knew you didn’t bet the long shot.

Isolation and distance are the invisible, impregnable walls of the wounded heart.




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